How to deal with mom with mental health issues when it affects you too?
Maintaining a healthy and loving relationship with our parents is one of the biggest challenges we face in our lives. The complexity and difficulty of such a relationship rises to another level if your parent struggles with mental illness. Observing and experiencing firsthand the reality of living with a mother or father with bipolar disorder, anxiety or depression throughout one’s childhood undoubtedly leaves an imprint on your psychological and emotional functioning. Perhaps you’re just entering adulthood while still living with your mentally ill parent. Maybe you moved out and became independent a while ago. In this post, you can learn more about the common issues of children with mentally ill parents, how they translate into adulthood as well as tips on how to deal with a parent with mental health issues and protect your wellbeing. It has been proven that a parent’s mental illness increases the risk of their child developing a mental health issue as well [1]. Yet, that “(…) does not always lead to clinically significant distress on a child”, says Dr Particia Ibeziako, medical director and associate professor of psychiatry.
Maybe your parent was able to treat their mental illness, learn healthy coping skills, and openly communicate with you. If, however, your parent left their mental health issue untreated, chances are you might have been exposed, perhaps inadvertently, to several stressors such as emotional abuse, neglect or even trauma while growing up.
In order to ensure healthy development, all children need consistency and predictability, emotional and physical safety, unconditional love and acceptance, autonomy, as well as the opportunity to be children rather than caretakers of mentally ill parents or victims of their abuse. Failing to meet these needs can result in issues such as:
As you grow up, the core unhelpful beliefs stemming from your childhood don’t magically disappear – they will most likely follow you into adulthood. It’s very common to hold onto the coping mechanisms that once enabled you to survive living in the same place as your parent in psychological distress. Even though you might have moved out and become independent, old habits might still be very present in your life. It’s crucial to realise that they no longer serve you. If left unchecked, they can be unconsciously carried onto your new relationships, whether with friends, at work or with your romantic partner. Before you realise, you might be repeating a pattern of your parent-child dynamic with a spouse or a demeaning boss and, unknowingly, inflicting harm onto yourself and others.
While you might deeply love or care for your parent, it might feel like “a fixed fight”. In order to cope with your childhood, you may wish to discuss the pain or trauma your parent’s circumstances inadvertedly inflicted on you. Yet, it can be challenging.
Should you have kids if you have mental health issues?
Mental illness can certainly make some aspects of motherhood more challenging, but it doesn’t disqualify those of us living with a mental health condition from being good parents. In fact, research suggests that many issues faced by mothers with mental illness are generic to all parents.
How do you say your mental health is bad in an email?
Reading time: 2-4 minutes
If your mental health is impacting how you function at school, college, university or work, it might be a good idea to tell a teacher, professor or manager. You don’t need a diagnosis to let someone know that your mental health is affecting you – your feelings are valid regardless.
Telling someone in this position can help them to understand why you might behave in certain ways (e.g. if you miss classes due to feeling low or anxious, or sometimes find it difficult to concentrate when working) and they may be able to offer you additional support.
It can be hard talking to a teacher or boss about your mental health struggles, so you might find it easier to write them a letter or email instead. Below, we’ve included a template that you can use and adapt to your own situation. This is just a guide, so feel free to change anything that doesn’t fit or add in any further information that you think your teacher or manager should know.
It’s also a good idea to think about what outcomes you’d like to see after sending the email, as this is something that your boss or teacher might ask you. You might want some reasonable adjustments to be made (head to the bottom of this page for more information on that!) or perhaps you just want to make them aware of your state of mind.
Dear [name of teacher, professor or manager/HR team],
I wanted to let you know that I’ve been struggling with my mental health recently [you may want to tell them exactly what you’ve been dealing with, such as depression, anxiety, difficulties at home, etc. – or just say that you’ve been feeling low!]. While I’m doing my best when it comes to [school/college/work], I thought it would be a good idea to tell you how I’m feeling.
At times, my mental health can make it difficult for me to [concentrate/make it to every class/complete tasks to the best of my ability, etc.] and you might have noticed that I’m not always as [present/switched on/energetic, etc.] as I’d like to be. I hope that in telling you this, you have a better understanding of my situation and why it might sometimes impact the way I work.
I’d be happy to talk to you further about this [you might want to state if you’d prefer to talk face-to-face, by phone or via email] and would be open to hearing any suggestions that you might have regarding support or how I can handle my workload. [If you have some ideas about how they could better support you, such as holding weekly check-ins or making certain allowances, let them know here and explain why they might be helpful.] I appreciate you taking the time to read this!
[Your name]
If you have a mental health condition that’s severely affecting how you work, you may want to ask your employer to make some reasonable adjustments for you. These could include changing your working hours to ones that feel more comfortable or allowing you to reallocate tasks that tend to induce a great deal of stress or anxiety. Mind has a letter template if you want to request.
How can individuals receive support for mental ill health?
Your GP may be the first person you talk to about your mental health problems. If you have a good relationship with your doctor, you may find it helpful just to know there is someone you can talk to about the feelings you are having. Your GP may refer you to specialist services if he/she feels they will help you.
How to deal with mom with mental health issues when it affects you too?
Maintaining a healthy and loving relationship with our parents is one of the biggest challenges we face in our lives. The complexity and difficulty of such a relationship rises to another level if your parent struggles with mental illness. Observing and experiencing firsthand the reality of living with a mother or father with bipolar disorder, anxiety or depression throughout one’s childhood undoubtedly leaves an imprint on your psychological and emotional functioning. Perhaps you’re just entering adulthood while still living with your mentally ill parent. Maybe you moved out and became independent a while ago. In this post, you can learn more about the common issues of children with mentally ill parents, how they translate into adulthood as well as tips on how to deal with a parent with mental health issues and protect your wellbeing. It has been proven that a parent’s mental illness increases the risk of their child developing a mental health issue as well. Yet, that “(…) does not always lead to clinically significant distress on a child”, says Dr Particia Ibeziako, medical director and associate professor of psychiatry.
Maybe your parent was able to treat their mental illness, learn healthy coping skills, and openly communicate with you. If, however, your parent left their mental health issue untreated, chances are you might have been exposed, perhaps inadvertently, to several stressors such as emotional abuse, neglect or even trauma while growing up.
In order to ensure healthy development, all children need consistency and predictability, emotional and physical safety, unconditional love and acceptance, autonomy, as well as the opportunity to be children rather than caretakers of mentally ill parents or victims of their abuse. Failing to meet these needs can result in issues such as:
As you grow up, the core unhelpful beliefs stemming from your childhood don’t magically disappear – they will most likely follow you into adulthood. It’s very common to hold onto the coping mechanisms that once enabled you to survive living in the same place as your parent in psychological distress. Even though you might have moved out and become independent, old habits might still be very present in your life. It’s crucial to realise that they no longer serve you. If left unchecked, they can be unconsciously carried onto your new relationships, whether with friends, at work or with your romantic partner. Before you realise, you might be repeating a pattern of your parent-child dynamic with a spouse or a demeaning boss and, unknowingly, inflicting harm onto yourself and others.
While you might deeply love or care for your parent, it might feel like “a fixed fight”. In order to cope with your childhood, you may wish to discuss the pain or trauma your parent’s circumstances inadvertently inflicted on you. Yet, it can be challenging.