How do I deal with domestic abuse?
Domestic abuse is behaviour from a family member, partner or ex-partner. It can happen to people of all genders. It can include:
- physical or sexual abuse
- violent or threatening behaviour
- psychological or emotional abuse
- coercive behaviour – for example, humiliation or intimidation
- controlling behaviour – for example, making someone feel less important or dependent on the abuser
- ‘economic abuse’ – this includes controlling someone’s possessions or how they earn or spend money
It can also include harassment, stalking, female genital mutilation, forced marriage and ‘honour-based’ abuse. Trafficking is also a type of domestic abuse – get help if you think you’ve been trafficked.
If a child is under 18 and sees or hears domestic abuse happening to a family member, this is also domestic abuse. If they experience abuse, this is child abuse – check how to report child abuse.
If you are the victim of an abusive relationship, you might want to:
- find somewhere safe to stay
- stay in your home and get the person who is harming you to leave
- report the violence to the police
- get a court order to stop your abusive partner from harming or threatening you
- take legal action
- get help from a charity or another organisation
Whatever you want to do, there are organisations that can give you advice and help.
You may need somewhere safe to stay, either alone or with your children.
If you want to stay at home, you could get legal protection to keep the abuser away.
If you can’t stay at home, you could:
- stay with relatives or friends
- stay in a refuge
- get emergency accommodation from the local authority under homeless persons law
- get privately rented accommodation
Refuges provide somewhere safe for people and their children to stay and think about what to do next.
Staff at refuges support people who’ve experienced domestic abuse. They can give emotional and practical support – for example, advice on benefit claims, which solicitors to use and, if necessary, how to contact the police.
If you’re a woman you can contact the National Domestic Abuse Helpline on their website.
Helpline staff will tell you which refuges have spaces. They are also happy to answer questions.
If you’re a man, you can contact the Men’s Advice Line on their website.
Local authorities have a legal duty to provide help to certain people who are homeless or threatened with homelessness.
You will be considered to be legally homeless if it is not reasonable for you to occupy your home because of the risk or fear of domestic abuse.
Local authorities should deal sympathetically with applications from people who are in fear of violence. You can ask for a private interview, with someone of the same sex, and can take a friend with you for support.
The local authority may have a duty to provide emergency accommodation for you while it decides whether you are legally homeless.
If it is outside of normal office hours, you should telephone the local authority’s emergency out-of-hours number for help with emergency housing.
Check if you can apply
.
What is the domestic violence law in Brazil?
The relevant legislation on domestic violence in Brazil is divided between international ratified standards/policies and local legislation, as detailed in the below chart.
International standards | National laws |
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|
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Aims to prevent, punish and eradicate domestic violence and grant protection to victims.
Establishes the crime of kidnapping for sexual gratification.
Establishes rules for women who are held in prison.
Establishes procedures for criminal offenses.
Establishes that the federal police — in cooperation with others — will investigate cybercrimes that spread misogynistic content.
Sets special punishment for killing women exclusively because of their gender.
Establishes the crime of rape.
Establishes the crime of sexual violation through fraud.
How long does it take to get over domestic abuse?
When the abuse is over and you have made practical arrangements in relation to housing, money and schools – you may be expecting to feel great, but be patient because this may not happen straight away. Sometimes, survivors may feel an immediate sense of elation which may suddenly be displaced by feelings of grief and overwhelm. However you respond individually is valid.
Recovering from the trauma of being abused by someone you once loved and trusted is a long process and it may take months and even years for you and your children to heal.
For some people, it is also normal to experience a sense of anti-climax. You are likely to experience grief and the range of emotions which go with it, including a deep sense of loss. After all, your trust has been betrayed and your self-esteem and confidence shattered.
Leaving an abusive partner can be a long, tiring and stressful process. The transition to freedom from abuse is often a busy period. Women often find that they don’t have time to process their feelings as they are busy understanding legal processes, arranging housing and securing children’s futures.
When you are safe and have a secure future ahead of you, many women understandably expect to feel amazing. It’s normal to feel a sense of anti-climax and for a process of grieving to begin when you have more time for space and reflection. The journey to emotional recovery is just beginning and will require patience, support and self-care.
You’ve gained your freedom but you may feel as though you have lost a lot too. Your trust may have been betrayed, you may have lost your confidence or left material belongings behind, this could have been your home, your job or income, sentimental belongings and pets.
All grieving processes take time and this is no different. There will be some days when you feel like you are moving one step forwards and other days when you sense you are moving backwards.
You might feel the urge to change your whole lifestyle by joining local organisations, returning to education or looking for a new job – but pace yourself and move at your own speed rather than worrying about what others might expect. Treat yourself gently and don’t rush the healing process by setting unrealistic goals.
A big change has taken place and you may feel lonely and isolated at first, coming home to an empty house or flat. There may even be times when an abusive partner or family member seems better than no one at all.
A perpetrator of abuse might have cut you off from friends and family, but it’s never too late to try to re-establish contact with them or create new support networks – in time, you will build confidence to make new friends.
Think about the things below as practical ways of looking after yourself:
- Living with someone who is always putting you down, criticising you, controlling you and being abusive or violent towards you will have chipped away at your self-confidence.
What are the signs of domestic abuse?
DOMESTIC ABUSE CAN BE EMOTIONAL, PHYSICAL, SEXUAL, ECONOMIC, COERCIVE OR PSYCHOLOGICAL, SUCH AS:
kicking, hitting, punching, cutting or throwing objects.
rape (including in a relationship)
controlling someone’s finances by withholding money or stopping someone earning.